Do I Have a Sleep Disorder? No, I Just Have a Life!

Posted on May 24, 2013 by Beth

At Any Age, A Good Night's Sleep Is Rare

This woman is in dreamland, but we have all had years of not-so-good sleep!

Last night I was suddenly awake, again. I asked myself–do I have a sleep disorder? Yes, I’m a boomer, but at any age we all want a good night’s sleep. I did reach a conclusion–most of us don’t have sleep disorders, we just have a life!

At first there wasn’t a logical reason for my wakefulness. My husband was in a deep sleep, I wasn’t having a hot flash and nature wasn’t calling me! I was comfortable—my pillow and covers were just right. But I was awake. A car drove through my cul-de-sac, its lights glazing the ceiling. Somewhere a dog barked.

Yes at first I did blame my boomer age—that wakefulness, sleep problems and sleep difficulties, develop as we age. But comfortably lying there I found myself remembering other sleepless nights and then suddenly smiling. This was nothing! As the memories kept coming, I eventually fell back to sleep. Had I found a cure? Certainly not, but I had reached a comforting conclusion. At younger ages most of us have dealt with far more serious sleep disturbances than I was presently dealing with.

From about age five till maybe ten, I couldn’t sleep if my mother went out with friends. My father died when I was three; mom was my world. Babysitters were no substitute—I’d lie awake listening for their movements downstairs. I’d startle awake when the front door finally closed right below my bedroom, signaling Mom was home. Then I’d force myself to stay awake until her footsteps sounded on the stairs. Often she came in to kiss me; I pretended to be asleep.
One hot summer night, at age 9 or 10, Mom left me sleeping so she could sit on a neighbor’s porch and chat. She was just a house away, but I immediately got up, closing and locking every window. When she came back later, the house felt like it would explode from the heat—but I felt safe.
There were many sleep-interrupted nights in my teen years when the lack of air conditioning was a problem; but that was nothing compared to my teen life which intruded on restfulness. Jealousies, worries about clothes, grades and petty arguments—they could keep my mind awake for hours.
College was four years of little to no sleep. During the week studying occupied my time until 2:00 a. m. Saturday night I was up even later—dating.
A few years later, the biggest sleep disturbance ever created entered my life—children. The amazing thing about sleep-deprived parents is after a while, that’s all they can think about. And when the child finally does fall asleep for 20 minutes, there are all those other healthy things to do instead of sleep—like taking a shower and eating.
When babies become teens, sleep flies away again. You might be lying in a bed or on a sofa, but you are straining to hear the car or see the pattern of its lights come up the street or driveway.
Then there are the camping trips, the only-type-of-hotel-we-can-afford-because-we-are-saving-for-college nights. And yes, there were some very comfortable years when the children were settled and living responsible lives and sleep was endless and rewarding. Then the Boomer Highway happened. I would sleep, but always with one thought locked in my brain—that the phone could ring because of my aging mother or my aging aunt. And it did. There were many falls. There was the fall that led to a broken hip. You are sleeping with one ear listening for the phone.

What disturbs my sleep now? For me it’s stiffness and soreness from lack of exercise. Caffeine that might have snuck into something I drank unawares. Hot flashes. Ah but no crying babies. Some of you now have pets so you won’t forget what it’s like to have to rise early to care for a living thing smaller than you!

But the next time you suddenly find yourself awake, remember when your sleep was in 20 minute increments and your partner always claimed that he or she was up with the kid the last time. Or remember years of worry that you wouldn’t pass the test, get the job or find the right partner. Hopefully those worries are gone and you can welcome your present situation. Or do you have other sleep-deprived experiences to share? There have to be hundreds that I haven’t even touched on. Please comment and share.

Here are a few more suggestions to increase the chances that you will get that rare gift—a good night’s sleep. After all, you probably don’t have a sleep disorder but you do have a life!

Try to go to bed and get up on a regular schedule
Avoid napping
Relax before bedtime by watching television, reading, listening to music or having a warm bath
Keep your room dark, quiet and not hot or cold
Sleep on a comfortable bed with a pillow that works for you and enough covers to keep you comfortable
Avoid strenuous exercise 3 hours before sleep; avoid heavy meals, caffeine, and alcohol; and drink fewer beverages so that bathroom trips won’t disturb your sleep
A light snack can often help you get a good night’s sleep
Keep a telephone and emergency numbers by your bed
Have a lamp that turns on easily
Never smoke in bed
After 20 minutes if you still cannot sleep, get up and read or listen to restful music before going back and trying again.

Thanks to Google Images; Thanks to National Institute on Aging;

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Gifts from My Children (adapted from a piece written in 1985)

Posted on May 13, 2013 by Beth

We are the beginning of the gifts that come back to us from our children.

Children give us many gifts; one is to reveal to us who we truly are.

When I was just a child, a daughter growing up, I reflected my mother’s image—her habits, nuances, even her opinions. I was a mirror. She could look at me and see aspects of herself. I, however, didn’t truly know who I was becoming. I changed, advanced, fell backward, tried again, grew. Others saw the changes. I did not as growing up is equal to change. I was just me.

When I became the mother of two little girls, they began to reflect and mirror my image, my words, ideas, habits and actions. Gazing into their faces, listening to their speech and observing their choices revealed things about myself. I could see my tendency to be over-cautious in one daughter. “Mom, you shouldn’t carry all those books down the stairs.” The other sometimes reflected my crazier moments, “I’m punk today, Ma, just call me Punky Weirdo.” One liked her room neat and tidy (so me). One liked a sunny corner to read in and another would cry easily when hurt by a friend. That’s me too. They were both tender to our cat and any child who visited. So okay, I am doing something right.

So much of what we do and say around our children and now our grandchildren, they take into themselves. Listen and you will hear phrasing, tone of voice, and word choice. My daughter remarked recently that she gets why she uses the word “literally” as emphasis. “Both you and dad just used it in the last five minutes.” To underline her statement, moments later four-year-old Keegan walked in and said, “It’s really hot out there, Mom, I mean literally.”

This word usage thing is generational, stretching forward and backward. Sometimes when I am speaking I have no control over what comes out—it is my mother: her inflection, her vocabulary, and often her ideas. I can be my mother, so kind and gentle with a sick child, and so impatient when things aren’t flowing my way. Is that a good thing?

The answer: we finally all decide, I want to be myself. My own self. Not my parent.

And luckily, for both parent and child, I think, we don’t become exact copies. We make our own decisions and alter the paths of choice. We bring along parental things, but we change things up too—we grow more and more to be just ourselves.

I guess we are all like pieces of glass, catching beams of light and casting them off into the darkness or bouncing them into other pieces of glass. We affect and reflect one another.

If we have performed our parental tasks well, our children give us back the gift of seeing the best part of ourselves. They change others’ lives for the good. They earn a degree, a paycheck, start a company, make a good marriage—and there is something of us in each event. There is also something of us in the first argument or maybe a divorce, or a job loss. When we parent, we bargain that most of the gifts from our children and grandchildren will be positive and confirming. It’s always been our responsibility to be good models, so that the mirror we eventually look into—the lives of our children—will be positive, the light they are beaming out bright and positive. It’s a light that we started and that will be carried along to the generations that follow—it’s that gift from our children.

Thanks to Google Images

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Finding Comfort—Everyone Needs Their Place

Posted on April 28, 2013 by Beth

Even a corner of a room can provide comfort and be just your place.

My two-year-old grandson held out his blanket to me: “Make me a hay barrel,” he said in a voice needing comfort. Unfamiliar with such a request, I hesitated. “A hay barrel,” he said again, attempting to wrap the thin fabric around his small hands. Gently I took his blanket, creating a cylinder form that he happily accepted, smiling at me and then burying his face in the familiar shape. I had helped him find his comfort, his place.

We all understand about security comforts like blankets and stuffed animals—some of us might even hold on to such objects, burying them in the back of drawers as we age—fearful that the loss of such a talisman will upset the level place in life that we have found.

But change is inevitable and after a while we might be forced to let go of these objects. Or other items that arouse memories of marriage, child rearing or even our own childhood home. It’s called downsizing; but if and when you are forced to do it, make sure you hold on to some of these comforts.

In the last two weeks, my husband and I have been living at my brother’s house while we wait for the moving van that will bring our “home” back to us. When we need something, we often have to ask: is it at the new house, which is basically empty, or did we leave it in our car, or at my brother’s home, or is it most likely still on the truck, making its way across the country?

We completed the final details of selling our house and buying this new one, in the car, carrying all the paperwork in a briefcase and relying on cell phones as we zipped along Route 40. Unsettling and confusing, to say the least. But we are making it happen and we know we will have the comfort of our own place in a space of just days. The calendar will be back on the fridge reminding us of dates (sorry—the cell phone calendar just doesn’t do it for me); I’ll know what drawer holds extra checks and what clothes are hanging in the closet. (Right now all I packed was jeans and shirts. Getting tired of jeans.) And I’ll be able to set up my computer with my favorite keyboard and write faster and more confidently than I am doing on this laptop. And I’ll be able to unpack and place those items which will forever provide me comfort and memories: photos albums, a wooden high chair that was mine and my brothers, a small child’s chair that was my children’s and lots of framed photographs. I downsized, but I didn’t toss away my memories.

Moving is stressful. My daughter gently teased me, suggesting that I get a new job now and have a baby—because those two things added to losing a loved one and moving are the most stressful things we do in our lives. Well, the job idea is a possibility, but way way in the future. And bottom line—my life is going just fine. I am fortunate beyond words. I have comfort in my family, even if two of my children are living far from me; I have comfort in the love of my husband. Bottom line, I have a place in the lives of these people I love that continues whether I know where my favorite book is or whether I have to put on jeans again today or not!!

And if I get down about this interim period in my life, I’ll think about a woman much younger than I that we see everyday as we get off the freeway. She has a sign that she is homeless. She has a box she holds out asking for money. She needs comfort, she needs a place—and something pushes her to this spot everyday, as her search goes on. I just pray that standing there has not become that place that she seeks.

We all need the comfort of a familiar place—a blanket shaped just right, a drawer where we have tucked that doll that meant so much to us when we were five. Or just a room that is filled with things we like to touch, smell or gaze at. For when we need comfort, it’s usually found in our small space, our place, our “hay barrel.”

Thanks to Google Images.

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From My Mother’s Hands

Posted on April 21, 2013 by Beth

Gifts flow daily as I remember everything she did for me and our family.

My mother’s hands, your mother’s hands: whether still smooth and soft or lined with age spots and ropey veins are the symbols or giving, of nurturing, of the raising of a child. And a few weeks ago I sat at my mother’s bedside holding those hands and doing everything I could to help her transition from this amazing life to the next. Hers were hands that typed insurance policies to feed and clothe three children after my father died. Hers were hands that soothed us when we were sick, and clapped at every piano recital, play or baseball game we participated in to encourage our developing skills and to let us know that we were everything to her.

But she was everything to us–she was our world for all our developing years. And if we were able to go out and meet the bigger world–attending college, procuring good jobs, making good marriages and raising our own children–it was because she made our world safe, interesting, challenging and just plain wonderful.

Gifts came daily from her busy, working hands, gifts that went beyond food, clothing and shelter: an introduction to good music through the Children’s Record Guild, 78 rpm records that appeared monthly with story, song or orchestra introducing us to the classics; books from the Landmark Book Club through Random House that included titles like JOHN PAUL JONES–FIGHTING SAILOR; and trips–auto and train trips that introduced us to places outside the green and verdant streets of our southside Chicago neighborhood. She drove us downtown to visit the Chicago Public Library, the Art Institute, the Field Museum and Marshall Fields Department Store. At Christmas we dressed in the dark to drive downtown and be among the first to eat breakfast under the branches of a huge fir tree that rose from Fields’s Walnut room and up several stories. Then we waited in line to tell Santa what we wanted for Christmas. But we didn’t need to bother as Mom had already neatly typed our requests and mailed them to the North Pole. After her death we found one of these “saved” letters, smiling at Mom’s additions: “And you, Santa, you decide the rest.” She signed it: “Love and hope you are feeling well…and Mrs. Santa too.” Even then Mom knew that the women in one’s life were important too!!

The highlight of our young lives was a cross-country train trip on the Burlington Zephyr that took the northern route through the Rockies and the Feather River Canyon. We couldn’t afford a sleeping car, but it didn’t matter. All day we sat in the dome of the observation car falling in love with the breadth and beauty of our country. Nightly we slept sitting up–but we were kids and easily adjusted. Once in California, we visited San Francisco, Los Angeles and San Diego then traveled on the El Capitan train to the Grand Canyon, Albuquerque, New Mexico and finally back home. What a woman my mother was–handling Bill’s croup episode and my sleep-walking and sprained ankle that unfortunately became part of the adventure.

As we grew and my older brother became a student at Georgetown University in Washington DC, Mom didn’t hesitate to drive back and forth to our nation’s capitol, introducing us, once again, to an amazing city and widening our vision and future goals. She did all the driving, singing love songs reminiscent of her courtship days, The Man I Love, Someone to Watch over Me, Night and Day, wonderful memories for me as I watched the land flow by and listened to my mother’s beautiful voice and subsequently learned all those songs. They marked episodes of my young adulthood and I knew that she still longed for my father and that these songs held great emotion and possibly comfort for her.

Mom never married again. When her hands weren’t busy caring for us or writing to us when we were away at school, or helping bathe our children and teach them games and read them books, she worked as a secretary in downtown Chicago. She kept traveling, going to Prague in her late eighties.

Everyone who knew my mother received a gift from her loving hands–a note, a letter of encouragement or a series of prayers said with her worn rosary beads. The gifts from her hands were endless and enduring and I was gifted when she allowed me to hold those hands as she took her last breath.

Thanks to Google Images

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Boomer Highway’s Advice from an ER Doc

Posted on April 14, 2013 by Beth

Sports, summer fun–know how to keep your children and grandchildren safe!

“You are never over reacting when your child is hurt,” advises Dr. Bernard Heilicser a veteran ER doc. “Don’t let a crabby doc or nurse make you feel you did the wrong thing by coming to the hospital. If your first thought is ‘I should call the paramedics,’ do it. Your gut feeling is almost always correct,” adds Heilicser who educated and directed paramedics in South Cook County, Illinois.

Here are tips from Dr. Heilicser that can keep your children and grandchildren healthy as they enroll in sports or are just out there in the world having fun.

Always do ABC first—check airway to see if it is blocked; check for breathing and check for circulation.
Scalp wounds bleed profusely, so don’t be alarmed. Be more concerned about a head or brain injury, especially in an infant.
If your suspect a head, neck or back injury, don’t move the patient. Call the paramedics. “A head injury is always a broken neck until prove otherwise.” Do ABC. Move the environment not the patient—furniture, bike, etc. Cover the patient with a blanket, and allow no water or food.
Try to stay calm, hold your child and assure her first. However, if blood is gushing out, then you have no choice but to act. Stitches will be needed, if you see bone, tendon, or what globules inside the wound. Bright red blood pumping out is arterial bleeding. Try to put pressure on the bleeding and keep the patient still.
If a finger or toe has been cut off, apply pressure to the wound, place the body part in a cloth, and ice it. Most often it can be reapplied. Time is essential. You have about six hours.
If a permanent tooth is knocked out, don’t clean the tooth or rub it. Have your child hold it in the corner of his mouth and get to a dentist within thirty minutes. It can be saved.
If your child gets a chemical or harmful fluid in her eye, irrigate the eye for about ten minutes. If necessary just jump right into the shower with your child, clothes and all. Then consult with your doctor.

A few things to do ahead of time to prevent and deal with traumas:

Know whether your doctor is equipped to deal with emergencies. Can you call her at 3:00 in the morning? Would she have the equipment to do an x-ray or would she just tell you to go to the closest hospital?
Is there a trauma center near you, a hospital that always has a surgeon ‘in house’ to deal with emergencies?
When was your grandchild’s last tetanus shot? A tetanus immunization is supposed to last ten years, but if your child has a “dirty” wound it is really good for only five. If the cut is deep, jagged, dirty or a cut from glass in a lake—get a tetanus.
Learn CPR. Doing something is better than doing nothing. It stops you from feeling totally helpless.
Don’t allow children or grandchildren to eat or chew gum on the playing field. During an injury the airway can easily become blocked creating a critical situation.
See if your Athletic Association has a rule forbidding a coach to move a child from the field. The game can wait. Your child’s injury comes first!

Remember this advice from an ER doc and keep your child healthy and happy.

Thanks to Google Images

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Don’t Be a Cyber Crime Target

Posted on March 11, 2013 by Beth

Feel like you’re a walking target for cyber crime? Follow these tips and protect yourself.

Cyber crime, identity theft, we hear about it constantly. But what are we doing to avoid becoming a target??

Basic rules I currently follow include:

Watch those links! Never click on a link in an email from a stranger.
Again watch those links! Friends’ email can be hacked; consider carefully before opening a link from them—if it looks suspicious text or call and question the link to verify it.
Know you’re a target. Boomers, people our age, are often targeted by phone scams. I’ve won cars and boats from a guy somewhere in the Caribbean. What does he want? My Social Security number. That will never happen!
Guard your social. Extremely few people need your social security number during phone transactions, so protect it like crazy. I do have to reveal it when identifying myself as an authorized person on my mother’s bank account.
Ask the question. If a form or someone in an office wants your social security number—ask them why!!
Protect yourself. When dealing with people on the phone be alert and careful. Don’t share any information with them that they don’t need. You can never be too careful concerning who you are really talking to.

Frank Mokosak, a certified financial planner in West Des Moines, Iowa, offers the following preventive tips. Such tips can act as a shield to protect you from becoming a target for identity theft and cyber crime.

Beware of shoulder-surfers or hidden cameras at ATMs. Tip: cover your hand with your other hand before putting in your PIN.
Buy a good shredder and shred everything: credit card receipts (after checking them with your bill) bank and medical statements, and preapproved credit card offers.
Monitor your credit accounts with care and precision. If you have an unused account, close it out.
Limit the numbers of credit cards you carry.
Get a credit report at least once a year and clean up any errors. (60 Minutes just did a report on how this can be very difficult to do, so keep an eye on your personal credit score.)
Post at the post office paid bills with checks in them. Don’t leave them in your personal mailbox.
Moving? Contact all creditors and update them of address changes right away. And be aware: if your credit card expires and you did not receive a new one, call the credit card company immediately.
Again, only provide your social security number when absolutely necessary. Don’t carry your SS card. Don’t have it on your checks or driver’s license. Don’t use it as an account number.
NEVER give your bank account number, SS number, or credit card number to anyone soliciting over the phone.
Shopping online?? Look for the Trust-e-symbol or a Better Business Bureau online seal.
Make sure any online credit card charges are handled through a secure site or in an encrypted mode. Look for https instead of http.
Consider purchasing an identity theft protection insurance policy.

Got any other ideas to shield us from from cyber crime? Share them in a comment on Boomer Highway. None of us wants to be targets for identity theft or cyber crime.

Thanks to Frank Mokosak He also suggests that you contact these major credit bureaus if you think you’ve been a victim of cyber crime: www.equifax.com; www.experian.com; www.transunion.com

iPhoto by Google Images

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Tips for Habit Change

Posted on March 3, 2013 by Beth

Habit change requires some planning–like knowing what your triggers are.

Habit change is just not easy. But what if:

▪ your healthcare provider just told you to lose weight;

▪ you’ve been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes and you have to change your diet;

▪ or like me, you’ve been prescribed walking, exercises to help back pain.

Reaction? First you might be stunned. Then you think: this could be a good thing. Then: I can do this. But after your first walk or your first trip to the grocery to stock up on vegetables, you push the idea for change aside. There are other things in your life that come first. You dream about a pill that could fix it and you’re done. You admit to yourself: this is hard.

It is hard, because it means changing your habits. I have to change some of my habits and create new ones. But can I really do this with everything else on my plate?

Looking at the nature of habits, it’s easy to see why we are all entrenched in them. Habits can make up large portions of our days, our lives. Could this be you? I know it’s me:

▪ street repair blocks your route to work; alternatives lengthen your trip time;

▪ your relaxing Tuesday night show is suddenly cancelled;

▪ your bank changes the online bill-paying format you’re used to;

▪ your regular doctor retires.

All these things require change and adjustment. They were part of habitual living that’s easy to slip into like a comfortable pair of slippers. But with patience we can find an interim route, learn the banking format, do something else on Tuesday nights and adjust to another doctor. Life is full of bumps in the road. But losing weight, changing diets, quitting smoking, and doing regular exercise—that’s more like climbing a mountain.

How to start. Buy a journal or create a computer file to keep track of everything needed to insure success. Then (and this is where the rubber hits the road)—

▪ Determine an attainable goal for habit change and write it down.

Which goal complies: a. I will lose 20 pounds in one month. b. I will lose five pounds in one month.

The second goal is more attainable. Attempting a difficult goal right at the start can often be a roadmap for failure. Even a small brush with failure can make it much harder to get started again. It’s true that people change when they are ready to change. Be aware that difficult goals can really be a form of self-sabotage. It’s like looking for an excuse to say I just can’t do this. But all of us can if we set realistic and attainable goals.

▪ Create a plan for habit change that is realistic, specific and motivating. Write it down in as much detail as needed.

Which plan complies:

a. I will run every day and cut out all sweets.

b. I will walk for 20 minutes 3 times a week and only eat sweets at dessert on the weekends.

The first plan is not specific enough and much too taxing. The second plan is more specific and allows for a day off now and again. Creating a plan that is doable increases your motivation and helps you visualize success.

▪ Write down your major motivation for wanting to succeed with your goal, one that could lead to lasting change.

Which plan complies:

a. I want to look good for my high school reunion.

b. There is diabetes in my family; if I lose weight and watch my carbohydrates, I could avoid this chronic condition.

c. I can’t afford cigarettes because I didn’t get a raise, so I guess I’ll quit.

d. Smoking causes lung cancer and there’s cancer in my family. I need to quit cause I want to keep on hiking, someday take my grandchildren with me.

Note: Having solid, research-oriented information to back up a habit change increases your motivation and helps you stay on track.

▪ Find mentors who will support you and help you achieve your goal. Make sure you have their email addresses handy and their numbers in your cell phone.

Talking about the habit changes we are going to make points us in the right direction for achieving our goals. Mentors can help us stay on track only if they know about the stop-smoking patch, the limit on beers or carbohydrate intake. And if those close to us cannot be mentors, then finding a support group, people who are working on the same habit changes, is a good option. It’s your health. It’s my health. We need people to help us make it happen.

▪ Write down obstacles and roadblocks to success. Being aware of them and dealing with them before habit change increases chances for success.

Want to lose weight, stop smoking? Remove junk food from the kitchen, the cigarettes hidden in various places. Replace these obstacles with things that will bolster success: fruits and vegetable snacks at home and work; gum to chew, water to drink to fight cigarette cravings. Eliminate excuse obstacles: purchase ahead of time good running or walking shoes; know where there’s an indoor facility for exercise when the weather is inclement. Plan for obstacles and eliminate as many as possible before starting a new habit. Success can’t tolerate excuses.

▪ Watch out for triggers.

A trigger is really a set back; it denies the goals of habit change. Examples: people with Type 2 diabetes needing to lose weight going to a fast-food restaurant—there’s little on the menu low in carbs and the smell of the Big Mac might be too tempting. Watching TV can be a trigger—TV and junk food often go together. Solution: keep junk food out of the house or when the craving starts, go for a walk to get back on track and forget the craving.

Smokers often struggle with these triggers: waking up, drinking coffee, having a drink with a friend. Plan ahead and create substitutes for triggers: a shower upon awakening, a piece of candy, a bottle of water for oral gratification.

Keep track of the successes that defeat triggers: the exercise that blocked out the cigarette craving; the no-butter popcorn for a TV snack; and the fruit yogurt eaten instead of cake at the birthday party. It’s gold star time. Avoiding triggers increases commitment to habit change and reaching healthy goals. That’s huge. True motivation.

▪ A few other things to consider: difficulty.

It will be hard at first. Statistics show that people drop out before 20-30 days of a plan. But it’s like anything, the longer we can stay in the game, the easier it will become. Staying power is the key. Planning ahead of time, being aware of obstacles and triggers will outline the path to success.

▪ It’s the weight of the habit change that matters.

Often we hear people say—I’m a disciplined person. Habits are easy for me: every day I make my coffee, read the paper and walk the dog. But those are lightweight, second nature kind of habits that take about twenty minutes. Changing a life-long diet to lose weight, quitting smoking, doing things for your health overall requires months and staying power into years. What smoker hasn’t considered the 20 years of the habit that is pushing against a major change in days and weeks? And the change has to be permanent. The weight of the change is heavy. It’s not a bump in the road—it’s that mountain.

Finally: education helps us reach our goals. Losing weight? There are menus and recipes by the thousands, numerous exercises, sports and activities to help burn calories. Trying to stop smoking or drinking? Get online and read articles and research to help with goal setting. I always research and bring questions to my healthcare provider. I want a medical basis for the exercises that will help my back. We will succeed—with goals, plans and habit change one day at a time.

Thanks to the American Diabetes Association and Leo Babauta at zenhabits.net and Google Images

Be prepared before you start, habit change doesn’t tolerate excuses.

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Sexuality, Spirtuality: Integral to Who We Are

Posted on February 20, 2013 by Beth

“Sexuality—erotic energy—is a powerful sacred fire.”

Mid-life, aging, stressed, alone or surrounded by family—no matter where we are in life, sexuality is still integral to who we are. Research continues to reveal that in many aspects of our lives, how we function as sexual beings directly correlates to a happier, fuller life. Right along with that comes our spiritual life.

In the article, Sacred Fire, author Toni Weingarten reflects on standard religious teachings many of us experienced growing up. Sex basically meant don’t. In addition, our parents’ generation often was unable to teach us about sex, making us think of it as forbidden or dirty.

Sandra Lommasson, a spiritual director at Mercy Center in Burlingame, California, provides a fresher view: “Sexuality is the drive for love, unity, family. Sexuality calls us to new forms of partnership and creativity, to bring life into the world. Our soul isn’t something we have—we are our souls. The soul is life, the principle of energy. And the only sin is to dry up.”

Sr. Lorita Moffatt expands on the thought, referring to sexuality as the “juice of life, a desire for union, communion, and it’s in plants, animals and all of creation.” Approaching children with that concept of sexuality would be positive and life affirming.

Lommasson says: “…sexuality—erotic energy—is a powerful sacred fire.”

Both women are skilled in spiritual direction, a process where a mentor/counselor meets with a person who desires to blend daily living with a spiritual life, develop an inner life or clarify the path he or she is on. Both make the basic point that the spiritual part of us does not say don’t —though Lommasson stresses that: “We need to respect the sacredness of the fire.”

This respect lives in the relationship of two people who value the intimacy they have with one another. In families it is healthy for children to learn over time that their parents have a special relationship that occurs behind closed doors. It is that sexual relationship that brings children into the world and at its best sustains them in a family that is productive and happy.

Christine Gudorf writes in her article, Why Sex Is So Good for Your Marriage, that the “sexual desire created by marital sex is a source of tremendous energy in marriage—loving energy that overflows on others.” She relates that in her own marriage her children became aware of the sexual attraction she and her husband had for each other. They even learned that if one of their parents was tense or irritable, or an argument was ensuing, they could restore the comfortable home atmosphere by suggesting that their parents take a “little nap,” the euphemism developed for a retreat to their bedroom. When Gudorf was growing up, her own parents provided such a model. They touched each other with affection, enjoyed each other’s company and when they emerged from their bedroom, both smiling, their love for each other flowed out to their children and the rest of the evening was often warm and fun-filled. As my mother used to tell me, sex is the glue in a marriage.

The next generations would make stronger marriages if as children they experienced an honest openness about the sexual part of marriage—if sexuality was seen in its spiritual context and didn’t just shout out don’t. Being ignorant of the close bonds that sexuality and spirituality have promotes confusion, leads to an inability to communicate. Wives and husbands, boyfriends and girlfriends should be able to see their sexual lives as integral to human life—as a good thing—a sacred fire that we respect.

Gudorf writes: “For all these reasons, increased attention should be given in both the church and society to strengthening the role of sex in marriage by removing the ignorance of sexuality, the lack of communication skills, and the lack of theological appreciation for sexuality and sexual communion, all of which put marriage at risk.”

We can honor ourselves by acknowledging that sexuality and spirituality are integral to who we are. When we integrate them we respect that sacred fire.

photo by: kevin dooley

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Be Your Own Health Advocate

Posted on February 11, 2013 by Beth

Sometimes you will need help as you advocate for your best health options.

Understanding health problems can be complex, but we must be our own health advocates—or find someone to be an advocate for us. With all the information available today, there is no room for excuses.

I recently talked to a client whose Type 2 diabetes was affecting his heart and other organs—serious stuff. When I asked him to relate his recent blood pressure readings and fasting glucose—he knew those. But he could not remember results for an important kidney function test and his A1C—a test that shows a 3-month average of his glucose control. These are important test results for a person with diabetes to know and to understand. My client is a math teacher, so it’s not as if he is uncomfortable with numbers—what is evident is that he isn’t advocating for himself.

Certainly all of us want doctor visits, necessary medical tests, and any medical procedure to go smoothly. We are anxious to get these things over with so we can go home and get on with our lives. But more often than not, we have to take control of the situation somewhere along this chain of events. If we don’t, things can snowball and we become lost; we don’t understand exactly what our physical condition is and what we need to do to heal ourselves.

The first steps toward being your own advocate are simple:

Find a doctor—often we start with the primary care physician (PCP); if a specialist is needed that choice might depend on insurance plans or the ability to cover co-pays and deductibles; check your health insurance, then research physicians by asking your PCP for a referral; you can also talk to friends and coworkers; word of mouth can often help you make a good choice right from the beginning.
Always ask questions—whether your health situation is minor or major, you need definitions for the terminology the doctor is using, explanations for any procedures you have and certainly careful delineation of your test results. Often medical practices and hospitals provide brochures that explain procedures and lab results in simple language. Keep these for your file.
Keep a notebook or iPad file on your diagnosis—bring that information with you at each visit; bring new questions that arise and get answers to those questions at each visit. Record them in your file.
Keep a calendar—don’t miss and don’t be late for anything that is scheduled: lab draws, x-rays, doctor, physical therapy, occupational therapy, dietitian, pharmacy or social worker appointments.
Research—read, read and read some more. Use your notebook to find medical terms you want to research. With help from the Internet you can flesh out the particulars of your condition or at least become more familiar with its terminology, interventions, surgeries, treatments and medications. NOTE: some doctors feel threatened by clients who research. Just remember it’s your body. There are always polite ways to introduce some material you have found and to ask your doctor to comment on it. If he or she refuses and would rather keep you in the dark—you need another doctor.

Here are some quick tips for understanding common lab results:

BUN–Blood, Urea, Nitrogen: A waste product formed in liver and carried to kidneys, filtered out of blood, excreted through urine. NORMAL RESULTS 7 – 29 mg/dL; A low number may mean malnutrition; a high number may mean liver or kidney disease, heart failure;

CREATININE: A chemical waste produced by muscle metabolism. NORMAL RESULTS 0.8 – 1.4 mg/dL; A low number may mean low muscle mass, malnutrition; a high number may mean chronic or temporary decrease in kidney function;

BUN CREATININE RATIO: NORMAL RESULTS 10:1 to 20:1; A low number may mean malnutrition; a high number may mean blood in bowels, kidney obstruction, dehydration;

POTASSIUM: An electrolyte and mineral. NORMAL RESULTS 3.7 – 5.2 mEq/L; a low number may mean use of diuretics or corticosteroids (such as prednisone or cortisone); a high number may mean acute or chronic kidney failure, Addison’s disease, diabetes, dehydration.

For more interpretations of lab values check out: Understanding Routine Lab Test Results – Lab Test Errors, Abnormalities -AARP

Often an advocate partner is a great idea too. If you have a chronic illness or a form of cancer, there are List Servs online that address concerns about your particular illness. You will meet others who are dealing with the same issues you are. They can be your partners as you advocate for the best health options.

In the end be in control as best you can. Read, research, ask questions. Be your own health advocate. You won’t regret it.

You need to be your own health advocate or find someone to help you.

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When It Is Time for the Adult Child and Parent to Move in Together

Posted on February 4, 2013 by Beth

To help your aging parent, living together and carefully planning ahead for the move can be a good option.

Guest post by Kristin Palardy

When is it time for an aging parent to move in with their son or daughter, or for the younger generation to move in with the parent? It’s fairly obvious that the right time is the point when a parent can no longer live independently because of physical challenges or serious health issues. Additional decisions are also necessary.

Which son or daughter is most appropriate? Where is the home located? Who has more adequate resources? Are there other options available? What kind of medical care will be required? Which home site offers greater independence and comfort for all the parties?

Begin the conversation early, if you can, and keep it going. Aim for harmony, simplicity and well-being throughout the move. Honor the parent’s request for holding on to small, meaningful keepsakes and maybe even larger ones. If possible, hire help to smooth out the rough spots. Here are five recommended steps for making the transition as stress-free as possible.

Choose the home that will work best for both parties. A short-term solution could be considered first. Example: if the younger person could take a leave of absence to move into their parents’ home, care could be greatly simplified, especially if there are two parents involved. For long-term solutions, it makes more sense to have the retired parent(s) move in with the adult child.
Decide how the home can be set up to allow maximum independence and safety for the parent. Walls can be created in existing structures or rooms added. Sometimes a lower level works best for the elder, as long as stairs and obstructions can be avoided.
Recognize that boundary issues are bound to come up. Spatial arrangements can no longer be taken for granted once two households have merged. Conflict lurks in the most ordinary situations: different wake-up and bedtime schedules, dissimilar eating patterns, distinct variations in noise tolerance, disparities in political and economic views and a host of other distinctions that separate the two generations.
Plan to work out the details as you ease into your mutual living arrangements. Keep your options open as both parties work out the glitches of living together. When an issue arises—and certainly there will be some—be a problem solver. Work on a win-win solution to lower distress for all parties.
Involve siblings, friends and support persons in major decisions and every day care. Caregivers are often surprised at how willing others are to lend a hand. An open-door policy expands the number of helpers and brings fresh energy into the situation.
Be prepared to enjoy yourself. As you confront and overcome difficulties—moving, settling in, getting re-acquainted with each other, solving problems—learn to lean back and feel the cushions. When you perceive the move as a unique opportunity, you’ll find your worries decrease and blessings increase.

About Rescue Alert of California™:

Rescue Alert of California™ is the premier medical alert provider and has designed its products and services to respond with speed, accuracy and dependability. They have been experts in senior health and eldercare for over a decade. Extensive years of experience, engineering and research have brought about the highest level of senior medical care and senior safety products. Visit Rescue Alert of California’s website here: http://rescuealertofca.com/.

Thank you Rescue Alert of California for this guest post. Great information!

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